Marriage Contract disguised as a love letter
Marriage Contract disguised as a love letter
Happy Valentines Day
after Matthew Olzmann's Mountain dew commercial disguised as a love poem
KNOW ALL MEN BY THESE PRESENT,
That I, Toni Potenciano, of legal age, of my own free will and accord, in the presence of everyone we love, take you, Bj, as my husband.
IF, by reason of any cause beyond reasonable control, you still have room for doubt, I have a few reasons why I think this marriage might work:
Because you wear leggings when you run, and shorts to your passport renewal appointment.
Because you never give up, not even in video games. Even though you keep dying. Most especially when you keep losing. Because you were tempted, once, to sell a difficult game in frustration, but you never did. You've since finished the game twice.
Because you make me laugh and you know when not to laugh. Like when we’re lifting very heavy weights or exchanging wedding vows in front of a mayor.
Because I met you when you were 23 and now you're 31, and our dog is 6 and we've spent the past 7 years loving each other and our little dog and everyone around us.
Because you drive. To work, emergency rooms, and the grocery. Because our meal planning includes 2kg of chicken breasts and Nutella. Because you saved me the chicken cartilage on our first date at Kenny Rogers and you told me it was your favorite part. How your face changed to shock and disappointment when I told you after that I don’t always eat cartilage.
Because you told Parker when I decided to join And A Half in 2016 that they didn't have to worry, we weren't going to break up.
Because you hate singing in front of crowds, even though you’re quite good at it. Because you sing to me and Dip daily, in a soft voice that you wouldn’t want anyone else to hear.
Because the day my mom left for the States, I told you that our relationship was never going to be the same. That we couldn't have as much fun, travel, go out, because I needed to run the house and be a mom to Yanna and take care of everything and everyone
and you told me, "then that means I'll be the one to take care of you."
Because I come apart when I think about things like the Big One, Terminal Diseases, and Freak Accidents. I get on a plane and think: This is it, this is how we’re going to die, and then I look at you and realize that I cannot die
just yet. Not till we’ve grown old, lived our lives with some regrets we can manage. Because by then, we’d have loved each other enough. More than enough for our short lives that no one else might remember. Then I’ll be happy to go on to the next life because I’ve spent this one loving you.
This is why I vow, in front of all these men present, to fill our home with laughter in the good times and the bad. To go on dreaming of a better life. To remain faithful, in sickness and health, the good times and bad. To value our friendship, to laugh at all your jokes, make our bed until we no longer can, as long as we both shall live. I love you even until the next life Bj.
